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| Hey everyone..It's been a looooong time..
Well let's see..Why don't we catch up?
In early August, I started working at Water Ways..I met someone named Brandy Nicole Conley..By August 24, we were dating..Now it's been a little over 2 months (almost 3!) and I couldn't be happier..I've never met anyone like her in my life..We share so much interests it astounds me..Everything about her, I love soo much..She's smart, she's funny, she's beautiful, she's the most wonderful girl I've met in my entire life..
She has a wonderful son, Logan, who I love very much as well..He's one of the silliest kids I've ever met, which goes just perfect with me for those who know me pretty well..Even though we've only been together for almost 3 months now, I feel like I could spend my entire life with her..It's never felt more right in my life..I want to be with her, start a family..All those things..And I really think we're going to someday..She is the most amazing human being I've met in my life..For my birthday, she did the sweetest thing..She threw me a surprise party..Some of my friends were supposed to show up, but a lot of them ended up not being able to make it =( The only people who could make it were Kristen and Hillary, but from what Brandy tells me, about 20 people were supposed to come..I guess not a whole lot of people wanted to see me on my birthday..That make Philip sad!
But she got me a cake, some balloons, the whole 9 yards..But the best gift she got me was an empty picture frame..In it, she put a picture of me and her kissing, a poem that she wrote herself, and some stickers that say things like "My true love" and "Crazy in love" and "Two Peas in a Pod"...The frame looks kind of empty right now though..She wasn't near finished with it and she said she couldn't wait any longer to give it to me..So she gave it to me unfinished, but I loved it the way I got it..So I'd say by the time she finishes it, I'll love it twice as much..She's so sweet =)
Well that's about all I have to say..
OH! I have a job now..I'm working at Video World! It's a pretty awesome job..I get free movies..Hellz yeah..
But anyway, I think that's about it..So toodle-oo..I'll see you in a couple months when I remember that i forgot to update this thing hahaha..
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| Ok folks..I got in the writing mood, but not the poetry mood..So I just wrote a little something about a dream I had..I hope you enjoy..
I remember the first time I saw her. She sat in the park listening to music while drawing a picture of a child swinging on the playground. Her hair was red like a scalding fire and her eyes were as blue as a cool flowing water. The smile she displayed seemed to pull off her entire look, allowing her beauty to be fully exposed to the world as naturally as possible. It was like the perfect balance of the elements; the color of fire on her head, the flowing winds in her hair, the serene waters in her eyes and the beauty of earth in her smile. She sat in a deep concentration, meticulously drawing the perfect image she had in her head. I watched her work with her hands from the other end of the playground. Her subject had already left, but she still drew the image. I watched her for a few minutes, and she finally put her pencil down. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She pulled out a pair of glasses and put them on. Her glasses merely magnified her beauty. She took a better look at her drawing and gave a content smile. I was curious as to what her masterpiece looked like, so I slowly stood up and made my way to her. But before I got within earshot of this beautiful woman, I awoke. That was the first and final time I had seen the girl of my dreams.
Comments would be appreciated! =)
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| I hate 2007..
This year has been so depressing for me..I grow apart from some of my closest friends, and when I try to get closer to them, they blow me off..I'm hanging out with someone I've literally spent my entire summer with and I'm getting tired of them..As mean as it is to say that, I really feel that way..It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with them, it's just that I'm tired of hanging out with them so much..I just want to hang out with some other people for a while..
I missed out on my senior trip because people are fucking stupid..And when that happened, I didn't think I'd ever get another chance to go on a trip with just my friends..But then, much to my surprise, that opportunity presented itself and my grandparents get me all excited by telling me I can go and then changing their minds at the last minute..
I also had the chance to go to Indianapolis with my uncle for a week..He told me if I went up there, he would take me skydiving...And he came here for the weekend and when he left, my grandparents yet again, changed their minds and I didn't get to go..
I had $250 stolen from me..And there's no way that I can get it back....Most of it was graduation money and when it was stolen from me, I was practically left broke..And I've remained that way for most of the summer..When I got so much money for graduation, I thought that I'd finally have some money to actually do something with, but then in a split second the money I had left gets taken from me and I'm left with no money to do anything except stay at home on my computer which is what I did before the summer started..
I have a job that I hate.. It's the most boring job in the world and I don't really even do anything..I feel like I'm wasting my time by being there..I'd honestly rather be spending my time with my friends that I'll possibly never see again than wasting a whole day by sitting..
Seriously, the only fun I've really had this year is when I went camping to Summersville..And I probably had the worst time out of anybody that was there..So that's telling you how much my year has sucked..
And to top it all off, it's like everyone I know has found someone..I envy them..But just to see them with someone who makes them happy makes me feel so alone...Depression has taken its toll on me too much this year..I'm getting sick of it..
I feel like my life is being wasted..I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything at all..I have so many goals, but I have no way of completing them..
I don't know how many times I've contemplated suicide this year..I've literally lost count..The only thing that stops me from doing that is the people who actually let me know they care..The people who I know would want me to stay here..
I'd really like to go on, but I can't type anymore..I have so many tears in my eyes I'm getting a headache..
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| Wow..I haven't updated this in about a month..
Well lately, I just feel alone..Unwanted..
I'm tired of waiting around for something to happen and nothing ever does..It's like a dark burden..I want to get out and go somewhere or do something..But there's nothing to do here..There never is..I've hung out with the same friends practically all summer..And we always do the same thing..We always go to a movie..I've been to twelve movies this summer...That's fucking ridiculous..
I want to be with some of my other friends..Some that I don't normally hang out with..The ones that are going away and that I may never see again..It hurts me because I feel like we've grown apart..Some of the people I would call my best friends a few years ago feel like complete and total strangers today..
They're the lucky ones too..They get to go far away from home..While I'm stuck here in this mountainous prison we call Madison..I feel trapped by its timber bars..Like all of my friends committed some crime to get sent here and they all conspired an escape, but I'm the one left behind..
I feel like all of my friends are leaving me..Moving on to forget 'that one tall kid'..With them leaving, I have nobody to be with..Nobody to call and hang out with one day..And not only that, but I have nobody to hold onto..Nobody to love..
I've never felt more alone in my life.. 
Probably the only thing I have to look forward to is next weekend..My
uncle is going to be coming in for the weekend and I'll probably go up
to Indianapolis with him for about a week..At least, for a while, I can escape from everything and hopefully have a good time..
I just wish that for once, something would go right in my life..Something that would make me happier than I've ever been...But it just never seems to happen....Ever.
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| Lately I feel like some of my closest friends just don't really give a damn about me anymore..I mean, yeah some of them do..But every time I get together with them, I just feel like they shove me off..When I try to talk to them, I feel like they're giving me signs like they don't care..That I'm annoying them..That they want nothing more than for me to go away..Like I don't matter to them..They'd rather spend their time doing other things..Anything..Just so long as they're not hanging out with me..
I feel like I'm growing apart from them..Like I'm only there when they need me..When they need someone to talk to or go to on a bad day, I'm there...But when I have a bad day, it's like I don't exist to them..No, they'd rather be doing something else instead of helping a friend..Or at least, an old friend..
Friends are all I have..They're the only things I have to hold onto..And ever so slowly, I'm losing them..All of them..
I feel like a little kid who has lost his favorite toy..I feel like I'll never see that 'toy' again..I'll never be able to play with it..And just like a little kid, I feel weak..Like I can't do anything...I can't do anything about it..I'm not strong enough to carry on..All I can do about it is sit there and cry..Like a little kid..
I remember back in the old days when someone would have just a small get together..You know, only about 3-4 people total..I'd get invited to something like that..It made me feel special..Like I mattered to that person..But now..Now I just feel like I don't belong with them..That I'd only get invited if I asked to go..That doesn't exactly make me feel all that special..It makes me feel like they were making plans without me..And when I find out about it and I ask to go, they say "Sure." ..Like they don't want me to go, but they can't say no because I asked..
If there's something wrong with the way I'm doing things, I wish they'd have the fucking nerve to say it..At least then I wouldn't feel the way I do now..And if it's not me..Then I wish they could show a little more compassion for the way I feel..
But yeah..Sorry about all that...I just..I wanted to get all of that out..And that's all I'm going to say on that matter..
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